worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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