You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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