i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
