fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
