im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
