fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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