If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
