Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
