Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
