***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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