I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
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I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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