I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Are we still banned from the library?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
