i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
