she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
