it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
