I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
