I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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