you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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