Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
