They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
