I can text with my tongue
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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