i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
