shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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