I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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