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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...

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• (813): View more from Florida

  she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?

  (1-573): View more from Missouri

  No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.

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