So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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