He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
