Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
