He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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