Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
