I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
