Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
