their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
