ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
