my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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