There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He shit in the fireplace
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
