I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
