R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
