I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
