I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
