Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
