I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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