In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
