She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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