GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
