Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.