i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.