Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
