well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.