Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
