How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
