You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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