Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
