Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
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I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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