Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
