So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
