please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
