He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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