Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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