if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
