Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
