My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
