creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She's just so happy...and so naked.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
