i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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