i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
