This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
