Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
