I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
