it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
