drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
