he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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