dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
