they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
