so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
