I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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