That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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