I have demons in me.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
