get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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