I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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